


Burn Out

by chumett



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Napping, the inquisitor needs a break
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:48:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27571027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chumett/pseuds/chumett
Summary: Nehn feels tired and burnt out after returning from a long trip to the Emerald Graves, so it’s easy to recognize that the Commander is having a particularly rough go of it himself. Despite her duties to the Inquisition, she is determined to finally get some rest and drag Cullen along with her.
Relationships: Female Inquisitor/Cullen Rutherford, Female Lavellan/Cullen Rutherford
Comments: 1
Kudos: 39





	Burn Out

“There is one final matter to discuss, Your Worship,” Josephine said, shuffling the reports before her. “I promise it will be quick.”

Nehn certainly hoped so. She had only just arrived back at Skyhold earlier that morning from the Emerald Graves and had managed a meager hour and a half of sleep before the sun demanded she rise for their meetings. Her body ached from the ride and her mark was pulsing along to the beat of her steps when she moved. It felt as though her skeleton were pulling along the weight of the rest of her. Even just standing there she could feel it nagging at her.

“Quickly then.”

Josephine nodded dutifully, eyes lingering on Nehn’s worn face before proceeding.

“It seems that the Sutherland boy has brought along another interesting prospect for us. Somehow he and his company made acquaintance with a small Dwarven work detail on the surface and now the Mining Caste of Orzammar is requesting his help in locating a lost expedition of what they only refer to as ‘drifters’.”

“Your thoughts, Ambassador?” 

“It is a rare chance for exchange, Your Worship. We would do well to send him.”

Nehn turned her eyes to Leliana. The Spymaster had thought little of the boy at first but each time his name had come up at the war table she made the same face, a resigned sort of astonishment followed by a little smile. 

“A small group in the Deep Roads can do great things, Your Worship. Sutherland has proven quite useful before. Let him continue to prove himself.”

It was true, the work that he did, no matter how little, sent the reach of the Inquisition to places it could not go. Not to mention his success gave Nehn hope. She considered him and his crew to be good luck, and though it seemed silly, they meant a great deal to her. 

Her eyes fell to Cullen who had been gathering the considerable amount of reports he had brought to the table. This morning he had been late and while he was usually quite attentive during these meetings in their entirety he had crossed his arms and adopted quite the stony stare the moment they began, addressing the three of them rarely and hardly arguing when his suggestions were contested. Even now his movements were stiff and slow and he kept glancing at the door. 

She was startled enough to jump a little when he said, “We’ll secure enough of the surrounding area to ensure they can proceed without distraction.” He didn’t even look up. “I can send word and a supply cache promptly.”

“If that’s that then,” Nehn said, addressing Josephine with a pointed look. After this she still had creature findings to turn in to Helisma and tile finds to discuss with Gatsi, not to mention the reports she would have to write for Leliana and Cullen about the Emerald Graves. Though the refugees were safe for the time being she had found troubling information that tied them to the Red Templars. There was one in particular, Carroll, that would need to be dealt with. Those two would know what to do with the information she had.

“That’s that,” Josephine nodded.

The Commander was the first one out the door without so much as a polite word, not even to her. After having been gone for so long she would have expected differently if something weren’t so obviously wrong. 

She let out a breath and turned to the other two advisors who were still looking at the door in Cullen’s absence, though they hardly looked surprised themselves, continuing about their business as the moment passed. She supposed that everyone was tired these days. It was just so unlike him.

“Your Worship?”

Nehn must have gotten caught up in thoughts of the Commander because when she looked up she saw her two other advisors lingering at the door, waiting for her to follow them. She set her thoughts aside for the time being and jumped to her duty, stepping in between them as the women made their way out of the war room and down the hall to Josephine’s reception room.

“Might I have a moment, Nehn?” Josephine asked, gesturing towards the fireplace by her desk. 

Leliana gave her an encouraging pat on the shoulder before taking her leave. Tired as Nehn was, she would always have a moment for Josephine, especially with that look on her face. Not to mention the warmth from the fire felt good against her knees.

“Is everything alright?”

“I have some concerns. Minor concerns.”

“Go ahead,” she nodded, holding out her hands to soak up a spot of heat.

Josephine nodded, eyes turning towards the flames. “You spoke of the Freemen and Fairbanks briefly in the meeting. By all accounts your excursion in the Emerald Graves was a success and yet you return looking more wary than I have seen you in some time. I do not wish to sound ignorant, Your Worship, but I wonder if your travels there have dampened your spirit. The history of that place...it is not my place to describe.”

“Perhaps, it is not my place either,” Nehn surprised herself by saying. She could see the Ambassador eyeing her from her peripheral vision. “I had never seen the graves before, only heard stories. And seeing them? I did not consider how it might make me feel.”

She had been avoiding the thought since last night but the truth of the matter was that her people were farther away from her than they’d ever been. The Dalish now looked on at her with suspicion, even if it was hidden with surprised admiration. They may have trusted her more than the others but they would never trust her the same way again, not with Andraste’s name tethered to her hand. Everywhere she went it felt like the ghosts of her people looked on at her as a stranger. She could feel their eyes watching her through the trees that grew over their bones as she battled humans who cared little for their sacred resting place, their blades and their arrows striking anywhere they pleased. Perhaps it was guilt that drove her to throw herself in front of them. 

Her brow furrowed and she ripped herself away from the intoxicating flicker of the flames before her. “I am tired, Josie, and there is much for me to do. I should take my leave.”

“Yes, Your Worship. I did not mean to—”

“No,” Nehn interrupted with a smile and a tilt of her head. “You did nothing wrong.”

Josephine returned her smile and said, “If I may make one more suggestion, Nehn? I believe the Commander has been in dire need of some rest as well. Perhaps you could encourage him to take a break along with you this afternoon.”

So she wasn’t the only one who was concerned about the Commander’s hasty retreat. She wondered if that meant he had been acting strangely even before she’d returned. 

“I think that’s a good idea.” 

She gave the flames one more long look before bidding the Ambassador farewell. 

Because she had come back so early in the morning she had never taken her creature samples to the library. She made the trek back up to her quarters, straining every inch of her willpower to keep herself from collapsing into bed right then and there, and collected their findings, as well as the Tevinter mosaic tiles she’d found. Helisma would have quite a bit to keep her busy. 

Nehn took care not to linger in the library for very long. Though she figured Helisma was alright, being around the tranquil mage made her incredibly uncomfortable, so she did her best to keep their interactions short. 

Then it was back down to Gatsi—her descent slower as her knees were still struggling to keep up with her intentions—to drop off and discuss the origins of more of those gilded tiles she’d been finding. She had another four pieces tied across her back to show him.

“Inquisitor!” he greeted happily, throwing open his arms as he saw her come out across the Great Hall. “Tell me you have something for me.”

She grinned at him as she untied the cloth and brought her treasure from around her back, letting them fall into his hands. He let out an audible “oof” as his body buckled a little under the weight. It took him a moment to regain his composure and pretend that it never happened in the first place.

“Right, that’s...four tiles,” he said, grunting as he secured the cloth encased pieces around himself to take them for further study. “You know, that’s almost the whole set, I think, only two tiles left. Find those quickly, Inquisitor, this will be an interesting one if it is what I think it is.”

“You’ll be the first to know when I find them, Gatsi,” she laughed, waving to the dwarf as he bounded away to clean the tile pieces off. 

Before she could force herself back to her duty she was caught by the allure of the cool breeze dancing in from outside. From here she could just barely see the grounds and caught glimpses of people scurrying about. She thought of Cullen, holed away in his office, sitting in his chair with that serious expression on his face and that one curl that hung over his forehead and ruined his tough facade. 

She would go to him later, she had to remind herself. There was still work that she would be much better off finishing before succumbing to that deep desire for sleep and she did not want to bother the Commander quite yet, even if she was dying to know if he was alright.

So she resigned herself to her quarters, sprawling her findings from the Emerald Graves across her desk and beginning her detailed account of each and every one of them. A few she would keep for her own personal collection, like Maliphant’s journals, the maps, and the sketches she had found. The rest—the notes and orders and secret codes and the like—would go to Leliana’s people.

She had a special gift for Keeper Hawen, something she was quite proud of. Something she had claimed without revealing its true nature to her companions: the blade of Lindiranae herself, Evanura. A blade crafted by June and used by the first Emerald Knight, Mathalin. It was a piece of their history worth smuggling away. Keeper Hawen would be pleased with the discovery.

That little piece of information would be left out of the reports.

A few times she had to stop and stand up to keep herself from falling asleep at her desk. She was starting to feel the days of travel in her knees and her hips and the ache of casting in her arms. The Freemen of the Dales had been well armored and scared, a dangerous combination, and she had the bruises and almost healed cuts to go along with their steadfast defense. It was the red templars who had little care for the graves and memories they trampled over. 

Eventually she came to her injury reports. They all had to do them, according to Cassandra, to keep track of who was best fit to go on missions and who would be better off recovering for a week. Thinking about all those shems desecrating the sacred ground of her people had put her quite off trekking through the Emerald Graves. More than once she had put her body between them and the graves of her ancestors and more than once had she veered off course to clear away those who cared little for the ghosts they disturbed. For each grave she ensured lay undisturbed, three others were ransacked and turned over. Her body had been beaten until she could hardly stand it and yet they still marched through.

If she thought about this any longer she would lose herself to it. 

It felt like a perfect time to resign to that worried pang hiding between her guts when her thoughts floated to Cullen. She wouldn’t be able to focus on her work anymore anyways.

The brisk mountain air helped wake her up and clear her mind as she made her way to his office. Though she knew that her purpose was to make sure the Commander was okay she couldn’t help but desire a bit of closeness from him. It felt silly of her.

As she came up the stairs and through the first watchtower she saw there was a young human standing guard just outside his door. 

“I-Inquisitor,” the guard stumbled as she approached, eyes darting between her and the door. “The, uh, Commander asked me to turn away visitors for the moment.”

So there was something going on.

“Is he alright?”

“I couldn’t say, Your Worship. He was...curt.”

She nodded, knowing full well the guard would not deny her entry, and peeked her head into Cullen’s office.

He was at his desk, his chair pushed far back to allow his legs to sprawl in front of him as he leaned back with one of his palms covering his eyes. He didn’t even look towards the door when she came in. It was like he hadn’t even heard her. Coming closer she could see he was gripping the pommel of his sword with a shaking hand. 

“Cullen,” she whispered, touching his arm.

His eyes snapped open and his fist was around her wrist in an instant, gripping tightly as he looked wildly up at her. It took a moment for that cloud behind his eyes to clear and for him to see her.

“Nehn,” he breathed out, immediately releasing her arm and touching her hip. “Maker’s Breath, Nehn, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—”

“Are you alright?” she interrupted, pressing her palm to his forehead.

“Mmm,” he murmured, leaning his head into her touch. “A headache.” She let her other hand rake through his thick curls, fingers massaging into his scalp as he let out a huff.

Could it be the lyrium? He had told her soon after their arrival at Skyhold that he was no longer taking it. She’d practically forgotten about it, it felt like so long ago, and she hadn’t seen him show any obvious signs of withdrawal in the time she had spent with him before now. How foolish she had been to forget.

“Forgive me, Nehn,” he said, leaning back so he could squint up at her. “You’ve been gone for so long...this wasn’t how I intended to greet you when you came back. At all. I should have stayed to speak with you in the war room I just, I just had to leave, I could feel it coming on, I could...”

He closed his eyes and sighed so deeply she could feel a piece of his resolve go with it. His fingers tightened on her hip and he slowly let himself come forward until his head was resting against her stomach as she massaged through his hair.

“That’s not why I came, Cullen, I only came to check on you.”

“Check on me,” he chuckled, taking her other hip and pulling her in closer to him. “After two weeks in the Emerald Graves pressing back disgraced chevaliers, red templars, and demons you’ve come to check on me. You must think me weak.”

“Quite the contrary, Commander, I think you need a nap and a good meal.”

He sat there in her embrace for a while, holding onto her as she continued to rub his head. She could almost hear him weighing out the pros and cons in his head in between the little huffs of pleasure he let out when she tugged at his hair. She could feel his hands beginning to shake against her hips before he stretched his fingers out and ran his hands up her hips.

“As do you,” he responded after some time, rising from his chair and leaning down to kiss her tenderly on the lips. He took her hands to survey the bruises and scrapes she had collected there before kissing those too. “I may be distracted but I can see the wariness in your face and the slump of your shoulders. You haven’t slept since the war meeting, have you?”

“No,” she sighed, leaning into the hand he placed on her cheek.

He pressed kisses to the bandages on her shoulder, eyes lingering on them before he looked up at her. There was more he wanted to ask her, she could see it, but he refrained. 

“Why don’t you climb up to my room, then, Nehn, and make yourself comfortable in my bed? If you’ll allow it, I’ll join you as soon as I’m finished signing these documents you walked in on me neglecting. I’d like to spend time with you today, even if that time is spent asleep. You were gone for so long and I have to say I missed you a great deal.” 

She gave him a grateful nod.

He tucked a strand of her pale hair behind her ear before taking her by both sides of the face and kissing her on the forehead. “Just give me a little bit of time and I’ll come join you.” He walked her to the ladder and watched her disappear up and into his room.

Nehn had not seen the Commander’s bedroom before so she was considerably surprised to find that the only things that occupied the room were a bed, a chest, debris, and a giant hole in the ceiling. The cool air had penetrated deep into the room which seemed remarkably cooler than the rest of Skyhold. It was a wonder he ever got any sleep at all. Suddenly his mood seemed a lot more understandable.

Despite the rustic nature of his quarters his bed was incredibly comfortable. It was far softer than she’d expected and piled high with thick blankets that were tough at combating the cold. Nehn could just imagine the Commander huddled up beneath them all in the night, sleeping with his sword at his side. She climbed into the fortress of blankets, allowing herself to stretch out between the Commander’s sheets. They smelled just like him, a cinnamon-y bourbon kind of musk that reminded her of shem cities during Satinalia. The blankets too. 

There was something innately pleasurable about curling up beneath warm layers after being exposed to the brisk mountain air all morning. It did not take her long to succumb to their incredible allure as she drifted off into a light sleep. 

True to his word, the Commander eventually made his way up to join her. 

He did his best to remove his armor without disturbing her, watching as the heap of blankets that covered her rose and fell with her breath. She had been gone for so long and he had been so worried for her, all he wanted was to fall asleep next to her and forget all of this sorry business. Nothing else mattered.

The moment he pulled the blankets aside her eyes cracked open and found him climbing in beside her, his sword resting on the edge of the bed. She stretched her arms out towards him, guiding him in to rest his head against her chest as she stroked the curls at the base of his neck and wrapped herself around him. He chuckled as he surrendered into her embrace, squeezing his eyes shut at the thought of how at peace this made him feel, only to realize she had already fallen back asleep. He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed. It would take a little while longer for his headache to subside enough to allow him to fall asleep, but for now, this was enough to bring a spot of color back to his cheeks.


End file.
